


Can't Let Go

by selenamasters95



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 12:01:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2467580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selenamasters95/pseuds/selenamasters95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is in love with Cas and I suck at summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> This just came to my head one day and I just wrote. I hope you enjoy!

Sam stood in the waves of the ocean as he stared up at the stars. He had come on this hunt against his better judgment and now he was anxious to leave. He closed his eyes and sighed as he thought about this past year and the moment that changed everything.  
1 Year Ago   
Sam was pacing the hotel room, a bundle of nervous energy. He took a breath before grabbing his coat, a determined look set on his face. He started to walk towards the only bar in town, down the street from their hotel, knowing Castiel was going to be there with Dean though he wasn’t going to pretend that the thought didn’t hurt him because it would be pointless. As he neared the bar he spotted them. Sam felt his heart stop as Castiel and Dean pulled apart from their kiss. He quickly turned and walked back toward the hotel but soon walking turned to running and he ran right past the hotel trying to ignore the tears pricking as his eyes. He slowed down after his lungs started burning, trying to convince himself that Dean was drunk because the alternative would hurt a lot more. He had taken Cas with him to that bar to give Sam some time to work up the nerve to tell him. It was his idea! He then tried to convince himself that Cas kissed Dean first but that thought hurt him more than either alternative.   
“Why wouldn’t he…” Sam suddenly whispered. “I’m just an abomination…” his voice faded, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He jumped a little when his phone rang, startling him from his thoughts. He pulled it out and answered it.   
“Where are you.” Dean asked, sounding perfectly sober. Sam felt his stomach drop. It was option number two it was.   
“Down the street…I went for a rune…” Sam told him, willing his voice steady.   
“We need to talk.”  
“No we don’t…I saw…I…I’ll be back soon.” Sam hung up and moved his hair from his face.   
Present Day  
Sam thought he had come to terms with Castiel being in love with Dean but he showed up on this last hunt and it reopened the wound. He and Dean never mentioned that night again but Sam knew Dean still worked with Cas, he just made sure that Sam wasn’t there. Sam had tried to move on but seeing him showed him he was still hopelessly in love with him.   
“Pathetic.” He whispered to himself. “A year later and you’re still pinning for him…” He stared at the dark horizon, wishing for the sea to swallow him.   
“Sam?”Cas’s voice sounded from behind. “Dean is concerned….”  
“I’m fine Castiel.” Sam told him without turning around. He could hear Cas walking into the water behind him. He tensed when he felt Cas stand beside him.  
“Sam…” Sam finally looked at him, trying hard to not just lose himself in his blue eyes. Cas cocked his head to the side a little. “You’ve been crying.” Sam looked away inwardly cursing himself.   
“Just go Castiel.” Sam whispered.   
“Sam…” Sam turned quickly to him and shoved him back.  
“Go!” he practically screamed. Castiel stared at Sam in surprise and confusion. “I’m sorry…” Sam whispered backing away. Castiel turned to walk back to the sand.   
“If I’m the one that hurt you Sam, I’m sorry…”he told him before walking away. Sam clenched his fists and stayed in the freezing water. After awahile, he turned and slowly walked back to the hotel, his body shivering in the cold.   
“I should be over him…” Sam whispered before he went inside the room. He felt himself smile faintly at the sight of his brother asleep. He took off his boots an pulled a blanket over him. After he finished taking care of his brother, he jumped into the shower, ignoring the tears mixing with the water. He was startled to see Dean awake when he comes out dressed for bed.   
“Dean…why are you awake.” Sam asked trying to avoid eye contact.   
“How are you doing…?” Dean asked, ignoring Sam’s question.  
“I’m fine.” Sam lied as he crashed onto his bed.   
“Sam…” Dean started.  
“Don’t. I just want to sleep.” Sam interrupted turning on his side, his back to Dean. Dean sighed and turned off the light.   
In the morning, Dean found Sam watching the sunrise on the beach. He sat down next to him.   
“Its been a year….” Sam took a breath. “I know…that you said you pulled away…I just…” Sam stared at the sand, his bangs hiding his face. “I can’t Dean…I can’t…” Dean looked from his little brother to the water. “I’m not…moving on…like you said I should.” Dean looked back at his brother.   
“You really do love him…huh.” Dean whispered. Sam just nodded not trusting himself to speak. “Lets get you some breakfast and get out of here…” Dean started to stand as Sam just nodded again.   
1 Month Later  
Sam finished his research for the night for the sake of having something to do while Dean was busy at a local bar. He rubbed his face and stood, about to just sleep when he heard a flutter of wings. He swallowed and felt a hand on his shoulder as he was trying to put laptop away. He slowly turned and looked at Cas.   
“Your brother has told me that hurt you…” he informed him. Sam stared at him, horror plain on his face. “I was wondering why you were avoiding me…so I asked him….”Cas looked away. Sam swallowed and looked away.   
“Don’t worry about that.” Sam muttered.   
“Sam…I don’t want you to hurt because of me.” Cas tightened his grip on his shoulder. Sam swallowed hard.   
“Please don’t Cas…” Sam whispered. Castiel turned Sam to look at him though Sam still avoided his gaze.  
“Sam look at me…”Cas whispered. Sam slowly turned his hazel eyes to look at Castiel. “What’s wrong Sam?”  
“Cas…I…” Sam looked down but Castiel’s grip kept him where he was. “I…”Sam sighed. “I’m in love with you…” he whispered. Castiel’s grip loosened as he stared at Sam and Sam quickly backed away. Cas just stared at him.   
“How…How long…” Cas started.   
“Two years.” Sam answered, interrupting him.  
“Two years….that means…” Horror dawned on his face.   
“I saw the kiss…Dean told me….” Sam whispered.   
“Sam…”  
“No…you don’t have to explain.” Sam stared at his feet wishing he could just disappear.   
“No…I do…”Cas walked over to him. “I lied about that kiss. I kissed him…to try to…I wanted to distract myself…so I kissed him. When he demanded why…I panicked…and lied. I didn’t want to tell him…he might not….and…so…I…” Cast stumbled over the words, feeling panic for the second time in his life. Sam looked at him, hope slowly filling his eyes. Cas grabbed his shirt and pulled him down to his level and pressed his lips against Sam’s. Sam froze then quickly began to move his lips against his, pressing him against the wall. Cas wrapped his arms around his neck. Sam broke the kiss but pressed his lips against Cas’s neck.   
“Cas…”he whispered against the skin there. He pulled him into a tight hug and stayed like that for what seemed like hours, just holding each other. They finally let go when the door opened. Dean stood staring at them like he was debating on going back to the bar. Cas and Sam looked at each other than at Dean as he took a breath.   
“Cas…outside…please…”Dean turned and walked out. Cas looked at Sam and followed Dean after he nodded. Sam began to pace, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Cas seemed to share his feelings. He ran a hand through his hair, his confusion setting in. After a few minutes, the hotel room door opened and Dean and Cas walked in. Cas automatically went over to Sam as he looked from Cas to Dean.   
“I’m going back to the bar…hopefully I’ll find someone while you two…talk.” Dean gave Cas a stern look before leaving the room again closing the door behind him. Sam looked at Cas as he took his hand and interlocked their fingers.  
“Dean questioned me…about the severity of my feelings…and he was very upset….that I had lied…and hurt you…when I had feelings for you…” Cas told him while staring at their hands. Sam watched him quietly. “I told him I was scared…” Cas looked at him.   
“I’m an abomination Cas…” Sam whispered. Castiel shook his head.  
“No Sam…you aren’t….your soul is so pure…” Cas pressed his lips to the back of Sam’s hand. Sam leaned down and pressed his lips softly against Cas’s, who immediately kissed him back. “So beautiful…” Cas murmed against his lips. Sam kissed him hard and moaned into the kiss when he felt Cas’s tongue press against his bottom lip. Sam quickly let him in. Sam pushed Cas’s trenchcoat off his shoulders as he pushed Sam back onto the bed.   
A while later, Sam and Cas lay in Sam’s bed, cuddled together under the comforter. Cas had his head on Cam’s chest and Sam had an arm around Cas’s waist. Cas propped himself up on an elbow and watched Sam’s sleeping face for a moment. He smiled and laid back down. He closed his eyes to listen to Sam’s heartbeat when he felt something tug at him. He opened his eyes and looked at Sam but quickly noticed it wasn’t him. He sat up slowly starting to look around the room. He shivered faintly, surprised he was feeling the cold temperature in the room. He slipped out of bed and was able to pull on his pants and his shirt as he tried to wake Sam. He went to shake his shoulder but felt something tug at him again. He flew back and hit the wall on the far side of the room. As he collapsed on the table, breaking it, Sam sat up quickly. He quickly scrambled out of bed and moved to rush over to Cas, his body already shivering in the cold air.   
“Clothes…” Cas quickly whispered, painfully getting up. Sam managed to pull on his pants before Cas was thrown against the door. When he opened his eyes, he found he still barefoot but now outside the room. He tried to open the door but found it wouldn’t budge. He tried to use his grace to get into the room but he wasn’t able to. He growled and picked up a pot to try to smash it against the window but it just bounced off. He looked inside the room through the window and saw Sam on the verge of a panic attack. Cas quickly patted his pockets and found that he didn’t have his phone. He knocked on the glass as it began to freeze over. “Sam!” he cried, grateful that they were the only occupants. He put his hand against the frozen window then quickly pulled it back.   
“Cas…” Sam muttered as he huddled in a corner to try to conserve heat. He swallowed when he realized he didn’t have his phone and didn’t have the energy to get up and get it. His eyes started to close. “Dean…” his voice dropped to a whisper.   
“Stay awake Sam!” Cas cried through the door. He brought himself to the bar where Dean was and looked around for him. He ran to him as he was starting to leave with a girl. “Dean!” He called as he reached him. Dean looked at him surprised.   
“Cas? Whats wrong?” He asked quickly, worry beginning to eat at him. He ignored the sigh from the woman on his arm.  
“Its Sam…” was all Cas got out before Dean dragged him out of the bar, leaving the girl behind. They got into the impala and sped off towards the hotel. Dean hurried to the door and pounded on it.   
“Sam!” Dean shouted through the door. They didn’t get an answer.   
“I can’t get in…” Cas informed him, sounding on the verge of panic. Dean pulled his gun out and shot at the lock. Dean kicked the door in, surprised when it swung open easily. Both Dean and Cas had to take a quick step back as the cold air hit them. Dean recovered quickly and ran into the room looking quickly for Sam. He found him in a far corner, his eyes closed.   
“Sammy…” he ran over and pulled him close, hissing at how cold his skin feels. He struggled to pick him up and get him out to Cas. He pressed the impala’s keys into Cas’s hand. “Get him warm.” He demanded. Cas held Sam easily and ran over to the car. He didn’t notice Dean go back into the room for their duffle bags. Cas unlocked the car and got Sam in the backseat. He grabbed the extra blankets from the trunk and climbed into the back seat. Dean put the duffle bags in the back and handed Cas a comforter. “ Put it up and I’ll get us out of here.” Cas nodded and found a way to create a makeshift curtain between the front and the back as Dean got into the front seat. As Dean drove off, Cas struggled to get his shirt off so he can use his body heat to help Sam warm up.   
“Where are we going Dean?” Cas asked as he held Sam close, hissing quietly as Sam’s cold skin hit his.   
“Bobby’s.” Dean called as he pulled out his cellphone to inform Bobby that they were coming.   
“Okay.” Cas started to use his grace to help warm Sam up. Cas gingerly pressed his lips to his throat, feeling a wave of relief wash over him when he felt Sam’s pulse. Miles later, Sam started mumbling both Cas’s name and Dean’s name. Cas started to rub his hands over Sam’s arms. “Sam….”Cas whispered and kissed his forehead.   
Many more miles later, Sam opened his eyes. He blinked lazily and looked around confused.   
“Cas…?” he asked confused.  
“Sam…” Cas breathed and hugged him tightly. Sam clung to him, still shivering.  
“D-Dean….?” Sam asked, his teeth starting to chatter.   
“I’m here Sammy…” Dean called form the front. “We’re going to Bobby’s…you’re okay.” Sam’s eyes slipped closed and stayed closed until they reached Bobby’s. He was waiting for them as they pulled up. Dean helped Cas get Sam inside and changed him into sweatpants. Cas wrapped him up in blankets as Bobby started a fire in the fire place. Dean came in with their bags as Cas held Sam in his arms. Dean sat on the other side of Sam as Bobby got them some coffee. They all got settled and waited for Sam to wake up.   
It was noon before Sam woke up again. Cas had fallen asleep around sunrise and was currently curled around him. Dean looked up from whatever he was reading and noticed Sam was awake. He put the book down and crouched by him.   
“Dean? What happened….?” Sam asked trying not to jostle the angel against his side.   
“You nearly froze to death…” Cas spoke up before Dean could, his voice heavy with sleep.   
“Angels don’t sleep Cas…”Sam whispered.  
“They do when they are exhausted from using their grace….” Cas looked at him. Sam eyes widened.   
“I’m sorry….” Sam swallowed. Dean sat on the couch nearby as Cas reassured Sam.   
“Go shower and change Sammy…” Dean felt himself relax now that his brother was awake. Sam nodded and found his duffle bag before heading upstairs. Cas watched him go before looking at Dean.  
“Are you sure?” Dean asked. Cas just nodded.   
“We can’t keep this from him.” Cas told him, looking at the fire. A few minutes later, Sam came downstairs to find Dean, Cas, and Bobby in the kitchen.   
“What happened in that hotel room?” Sam asked.   
“An angel tried to kill you…or trigger… a memory of the cage.” Cas answered before Dean could.  
“I felt Lucifer…”Sam admitted.   
“It was his grace…” Cas walked over to Sam and pulled him into a tight hug. Sam hugged him back just as tight. “I love you Sam…” Cas whispered to him. Sam buried his face in Cas’s neck, hiding his smile.   
“Come help me with a car Dean.” Bobby pulled Dean out of the house before Dean could object. As Cas leaned up to kiss Sam, Sam gasped, his eyes shooting open. The room was dark but he could feel that he wasn’t alone. Sam saw him sitting on the table across the kitchen. He looked up and smiled at Sam.  
“Oh. You thought that was real Sammy?” Lucifer sneered.


End file.
